Overcoming failure ...

When I said to a friend I was going to write about failure, she joked and said “what a topic”. We both agreed on one thing that no one likes to fail or what we’ve perceived to be a failure.
The word itself even feels icky and there’s difficult emotions around it.
What I will say on a bigger, more collective level there are failings that do need to be addressed for humanity and when things go wrong in society that sometimes get hidden too. Action is needed here rather than things becoming a big wound.
Below I’m addressing more personal failure.
Now of course in human life we can be told we’ve failed at something, whether it’s an exam of sorts or a driving test for instance. Then we have the more subjective things that we’ve decided we’ve failed on; the relationship, not achieving something or finishing something, even not doing a membership or course you signed up to.
Whatever the failure we need to unpack this and shift our perception around it. I say this because it’s important, someone can carry the effects of failure for years with them, or even feel like less of a person because of it. This can block you from moving forward in your life because of the fear of failing again or the shame of the failure. It can stop you from doing something you want to do, it can even cause mental health issues.
We are not perfect and we are not meant to be, we are human and learning and in some ways failures (or perceived - I’m going to say this) are inevitable and a part of life and our growth.
Light can’t exist without darkness and essentially it's the same with this. Failure can be a positive thing, because actually by it happening it's allowed you to see something more clearly and put you in the direction you need to be.
Changing your perception to what failure means to you here is essential and will shift you.
Shame is the big thing with failure and what keeps us stuck a lot of the time. Here’s the big thing: some of the most successful people have failed over and over again, the difference is they’ve not let it stop them, they’ve seen it as feedback that the particular thing wasn't right for them. Or have let it be a redirection to where they need to be or what they can do to improve it or see things differently.
I think for many people the roots of failure will have started in school with exams and basically being told failing them will limit your life. What we know is this isn’t true because some incredibly successful people “failed” school and have gone on to even make millions and impact the world in big ways.
A failure is not the end, even though at the time it can feel like the end of the world.
Changing the dialogue around this and letting go of these notions and the fixed ideas around them will be a positive thing to do. The power of rewriting old stories allows us to move forward with a new one in place. With the failure story this rewrite is essential and to look at the emotions around it and change those feelings.
This needs wiring in, so we move forward with a new perception on this topic.
Remember too, we often pick up not only on society’s ideas on failure but other people’s too so it's important to know these need to stay with them and not be something that we take on.
Now, I’m not in anyway suggesting this is an easy thing to face, unpack and look at.
Even now if I perceive I’ve failed at something, my ego can sneak in and play this out and it feels rubbish. The difference between now and the past is where shame would hit for days or maybe even months, now I will witness the feelings and meet myself there, be kind and move forward. I’ve also come to realise that the truth is that somethings aren’t meant to be and perceived “failure” was there to show me that. Now of course if it's something you really wanted I get it, it sucks a lot. But we all have been when the thing that we had to redirect to or the path we ended up on and it turns out it was the very place we needed to be even if we didn’t see it at the time.
It wouldn’t have happened had the failure not happened.
This is a huge topic, and one with so much to unpack around and so much emotion too and is very uncomfortable at times.
Like I said before, some things are inevitable and we may perceive it as a failure, but it’s part of our journey and life process.
The most important thing here is to be kind to yourself, and not let shame take hold. Talk to people around what’s happening, and remember everyone has experienced this and will continue to at points in their lives. You know what, that's ok and in no way does this mean you won’t go on to achieve the things you want, in fact you’ll be on the right path because of what has happened.
I appreciate this is not a linear process and we will always be learning when faced with it but we can get back up.
I’d like to hear your thoughts on this.
All my love
Hannah X