How do you talk to yourself?....

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The funny thing is, the way we talk to ourselves internally we would never talk to another person like, in fact we would hate to say these things to another, yet we do and we often weave a story around it, so much so it sticks with us and even if we have an outwardly positive facade, there’s often this negative inner critic we are conversing with. 

The irony is, it’s the internal dialogue that we have with ourselves that’s so important that shapes our relationship with ourselves, but its often the one we struggle with the most. All this time we talking with others encouraging them and telling them to drop the negative story, and we are having it with ourselves. 

Why is this such a problem? 

This inner conflict is continuously contradicting our outside world. Its like this, we are looking to the outside comparing ourselves to others, seeing the things they are doing, or the way they look and this translates to the inner critic that, ‘you’re not doing enough’, ‘you don’t look like that’, ‘look what they’ve achieved’, ‘ come on you could do better’, or even ‘your life is a mess’. I mean these are just a few of the many stories of the inner dialogue we end up creating with ourselves. And I have been guilty of this, I know I’d never talk to another like I have with myself and I’ve beaten myself up over things, in fact obsessed at times, and the only person I’ve hurt is myself. 

The truth is, it has to start from within, to really translate to the outside, because it will silence the inner critic and calm outer the conflict we end up creating and we become more aligned. Don’t get me wrong it’s not easy when we see all this conflicting stuff on the outside, and we feel this pressure to be a certain way or do certain things. 

So how do we go about changing this? 

Firstly we have to identify the outside stuff we feel pressured by or the things we think  we should be doing, and turn them down or even off if you can, and don’t get me wrong its good to be motivated by things but it has to begin from within yourself before translating to the outside. Secondly, get clear on the negative self talk you are giving to yourself, write it down and write how it makes you feel and why you believe its true. After this you can begin to change the stories, and like anything it’s no good going in trying to do it all at once or it will feel too much, break it down. Start with one thing and work from there, I’d recommend starting with the one that’s affecting you the most in the current moment, and rewrite it. Write what you would say to another, and feel how this feels, and what you will most probably find it may take a bit of working up too, but feel it into yourself and feel how it would feel to speak to yourself like you would someone you love or care about. Because self love has to come first before we can truly love another. This is a process for sure, and something we no doubt have to work with throughout our lives as things come up and all we are exposed to things from the outside and from others. But like anything we work on it, we can shift the balance so it becomes more natural, and when we do drop into the negative self talk space we can shift ourselves out of it much faster. 

Have a think about these questions below and let them be your starting place.

How do you talk to yourself?

Do you talk to others as you would yourself?

Do you feel stuck and conflicted with your inner critic? 

What would you say to yourself if you were being kinder?

I hope anyone reading this who can relate, that you are able to begin the process, and shift that balance to a kinder internal dialogue. 

All my love 

Hannah X