Do you struggle to process loss…?

Loss is a topic that’s so wide and diverse it’s something we tend to avoid dealing with properly or generally associate with death only. When in actual fact on different levels and in different forms we are experiencing loss in so many ways, from relationships, health changes, friendships, job loss, or even down to changes in our bodies to name a few. Ironically loss is an integral part of life and its cyclic nature, but we are so disconnected from it that it disconnects us from really dealing with it and processing it well. Which if done properly enables us to mourn it, face it and learn to flow with it.

What often happens is we just tell people to get on with things and give the line ‘it will get better in time’ and move on etc without any form of mourning or processing it. We live in a society where putting band aids over things is a very common solution, because it’s often thought it’s to complicated to process things or sometimes we just don’t quite know how to do it, as loss is something thats often feels so individual to a person, how one person can be affected by it, can totally differ in another. Which brings us to the place, if someone is maybe dealing with it better than another, they may not quite understand why the other person is unable to deal with it, when we get to grips with this, it really helps because often its how we see loss, sometimes it can be seen as opportunity for better things to come, whereas for some people it will feel a painful helpless place.

This elephant in the room ‘loss’ if dealt with properly, often provides a powerful platform for someone to create change or a shift in their life.

Lets take for instance a relationship breakup or a friendship loss, by facing the pain that something like this may have caused and giving yourself the opportunity to mourn it even if you feel responsible for it, provides a powerful healing platform to be able to move on from it and deal with it. I know for me having someone point out to me that just because you feel responsible and guilty for this it doesn’t mean you have to punish yourself for this and its important to be kind on yourself and mourn it. That was a powerful thing for me to hear and we shouldn’t need permission for this but this is something as humans we often struggle with.

So what things can we do for ourselves to enable this process?

Be willing to get clear on the pain or anger you’re feeling and don’t feel guilty if you’re not dealing with it well. This is something that really blocks us because we create a narrative that, ‘I should be dealing with this better’.

Your pain is yours however it feels, we take our power back when we acknowledge this and the pain will have opportunity to ease when we do this. Let yourself mourn it in the way the feels right for you, this is the key part to the healing process and know that it’s ok if sometimes it feels impossible. I know with my health when it changed many years back that mourning process was essential.

Find people in your life you can talk to, who hold a non judgmental space, this is everything, and enables you to feel safe while dealing with it, and not being afraid to say, ‘Im not coping’ is ok.

Once you’ve allowed these things, you’re creating a new space in yourself to bring new things in. This will help you shift your life and it wont feel like you’re just covering up an old wound but you’re moving forward in a healthy healed way. Now, by no means is this process straight forward and I could write paragraphs on it, but this is a conversation we need to keep having and helping each other deal with loss that isn’t just the physical death kind, to guide us to better healing.

How do you deal with loss?

Is it something you just band aid over?

Thinking about these questions honestly can provide you with a platform to begin dealing with your loss.

All my love

Hannah X